every instant second a suspension of forever

I have not been doing enough thinking recently. My work has elements of challenge, but not nearly enough. My friends are sweet and wonderful, none of them throws out harsh gritty baits (like I do). How am I supposed to progress when my life is a breeze? Did I ever really want this?

every instant second a suspension of forever
a frail continuous sequence spanning over lives

I have been learning - meeting interesting people and doing new things. Though for that last few weeks I felt dissociated, aware of what's going on, but not having any emotion attached to it. Fantastic that I seem to have achieved some kind of buddhist ideal, but I don't think I like being calm.

Honestly, I think the truth is that I don't like being alone. At least when you're intent on destroying yourself in fun ways there's a thousand people who are right there with you.